...is the most common sentence that I hear from my clients when they come for therapy sessions. When I send them the questionnaire before the session, with one of the questions being: how often and how long do You make love, the common answers are, once a week, once a month, twice a week, etc. For me, that is a number that makes me raise my eyebrows. When asking why is that so, the typical answer is: We just don't have time, we are tired. We have kids, and so on.
And then I wonder, with what have people fill their lives with, for what that they have time for? Of course, the first thing that takes up most of the people's time is work. Especially in today's world, if You are not born with a golden spoon in your mouth or don't win the lottery, You have to work hard to make a living to pay for the necessities of your life. Yes, this way, life can make us numb because we are not meant to live our lives this way.
But I want to give You another angle to think about this answer. To go with this story on a different path this time, "I don't have time" is just an excuse. The truth is that people will fill their life with all kinds of obligations and too often it is to avoid the intimate life, and at the end of the day, they can say that they are tired.
Where is Your focus?
What is really happening, in this case, is that they don't like their sex life, and instead of sharing intimacy, they are focusing on something else. Many people don't even like the person they are living with and have created a family together. But think as Your sex life as a good reflection of Your relationship.
When Your sex life is good, and You both enjoy it, putting an effort and growing in it together, shows that You also have a good foundation for your relationship. If You can express Your wantings and needs, and talk about it all in ease, You have a healthy sexuality. Or is sex a topic that You avoid? And every now and then, do it out of obligation, or the need for a release? In this case, You should face the truth about your relationship.
If You are in a relationship with a partner that You don't even like or love Your partner like a spouse, it's definitely not the kind of relationship that makes You want to make passionate love with that person. And oftentimes, the truth is too hard to admit ourselves, so we hide away in our everyday reality. Because break up seems too scary and too hard. And social conditioning also puts so much pressure on us, that if You decide to leave a relationship that doesn't work, many times people will feel like such a failure.
You deserve to be happy
What no one tells You is that You actually do have the right to be happy. You deserve to be satisfied in a relationship. You don't need to suffer and tolerate just being. You always have the right to choose. To choose the way for Yourself that really gives You a happy life and a peaceful mind.
If You love each other like a man and a woman should, then sex is not an obligation, but a beautiful time together, to share love and connection and simply enjoy each other. It's one of the most rewarding activities we can do with our partners together. It creates and keeps a deep connection between us.
I watch couples these days on vacation or restaurants, and it is too common to see both partners with their nose in their phones, completely ignoring each other. Today's society and social media are are a threat to our intimate relations. It is easy to drift apart from the people that are next to us. If You find Your phone more interesting than Your partner, then maybe You should do consider a favor for both of you and walk out of this relationship. Then You both have a chance to find someone more compelling than Your social media accounts.
I look at my husband every day as the most sexiest man on earth and almost never give up a chance to make love to him. If more people would treat their partners that way, we'd see a lot more happy people walking around, totally in love with each other.